Mendacious words

yesterday.

2010-04-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

Two hours and twenty minutes ago, I felt that kind of jealousy that can break anything that a woman has. It is really hard to compete with yourself. You wanted to be happy, in love, but when you feel that kind of emotion, all you could really feel is your insecurities, your weaknesses, your lost desires, your broken dreams and shallow thoughts. Somehow, I tried answering his question but if I could, I do not know if he would understand.

I have lost a part of my life wondering about the future that does not really matter for now. I have lost a lifetime thinking of doing something rather than doing it.

I have lost a lot of tears and smiles but because of a kiss, a hug, all of that was erased, I do not feel that i have lost a part of my life, a lifetime, tears and smiles. He made me realize how important it is to, sometimes, just go with the flow.

Excerpt from the address given by Nelson Mandela in a rally in Soweto, South Africa on February 13, 1990

2009-07-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

Our primary task remains to unite our people across the length and breadth of our country. Our democratic organizations must be consolidated in all sectors. Democratic political practice and accountable leadership must be strengthened on all fronts. Our struggle against apartheid, though seemingly uncertain, must be intensified on all fronts. Let each one of you and all our people give the enemies peace and liberty no space to take us back to the dark hell of apartheid. It is only disciplined mass action that assures us of the victory we seek.

no more lonely days...

2009-06-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

I made it so unfair for myself. I was just walking in circles.
I never made it to where i'm going.
But things have changed.
Time goes and so I realized I should be moving forward to somewhere
better and beautiful.

I don't have any plans of staying in hell for a long time.

I deserve some soft clouds of heaven.

I did make it on my past heartaches so why not this one?

haha.. I can do it...

Here, There And Everywhere

2008-11-28T00:05:00.000-08:00

To lead a better life I need my home to be here...
Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with the wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speking but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping
I'm always there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping
I'm always there

To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU

2008-11-21T03:25:00.000-08:00

Look around you. WHO IS THE PERSON sitting next to you?
The PERSON next to you is the greatest miracle and the greatest mystery
you will ever meet at this moment,
A testament of the Word made flesh
of God's continuing Advent into the world, into our midst.

The PERSON next to you
is a unique universe of experience, seething with necessity and possibility
dread and desire, smiles and frowns
laughter and tears, fears and hopes
all struggling to find experience.

The PERSON next to you is surging to
BECOME something, in particular, to arrive at some destination,
to have a story, and a song,
to be known and to know...

The PERSON next to you--IS MYSTERY
And the WORD MADE FLESH IS MYSTERY.
And the word made Flesh
and dwelt among us.

decode

2008-11-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight
All the time.
Not gonna ever own whats mine
When you're always taking sides?
But you won't take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.Well,
I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode.)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well.
I think I know.
I think I know.

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.

How to...

2008-11-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

Someday, everything will change.
Like the trees will stop growing.
Or the flowers will stop blooming.
Or the night sky will not show its stars.
Or the sea will not give us its peace.
Or the horizon will be gone.
Or the rainbow will not show.
Or the music that we truly love will disappear.
Or the rain will not bring its coldness.
Or the sun will not be rising.
Or the person next to you will be just a stranger.
Or worst, the one that we truly and mostly love will not be there,
or maybe, someone will stop believing His existence.

Their shadows left unrecognized.
This is reality.
It hurts so much that you will choose to die.
It hurts so much that you will choose not to see it.
When will we ever learn to appreciate?
Maybe when everything we see in the world will be gone.
Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be a lot different from today.

labs na labs ang The Zahir part II

2008-11-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

if a man we don't know phones us up today and talks a little, makes no suggestions,
says nothing special, but nevertheless gives us the kind of attention we rarely receive,
we are quite capable of going to bed with him that same night, feeling relatively in love.
that is what we women are like, and there is nothing wrong with that-it is the nature of the female to open herself to love easily.

tama? tama? tama?

labs na labs ang The Zahir

2008-11-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

that is why it is so important to let certain things go. to release them. to cut loose. people need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. complete the circle. not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because it no longer fits in your life. close the door, change the record, clean he house, get rid of the dust. stop being who you were and become who you are.

bow

mendacious words

2008-10-16T04:14:00.000-07:00

"minsan, madalas may mga bagay na akala natin tama kasi napapasaya tayo. hanggang sa may mangyayaring hindi natin gusto. masakit. nakakabadtrip. pero yun yung magliligtas sayo para maramdaman mo yung tunay na kaligayahan. dala ng mga maling bagay na pinilit mong itama."

I've learned a lot from this. it's from Monica. through this, I've realized that happiness can come in different ways but you should always consider others....

i've made a lot of things that caused others to be miserable. i don't know if i should still believe that "being miserable is your choice."

ang dami kasing pwedeng paniwalaan na halos di na lahat tumutugma sa iba mo pang pinaniniwalaan...

confusing right?

at the end of the day it's still your choice. your life depends on you. not on others happiness, mistakes, pains. you are the one responsible for your decisions, its consequences and gifts..

now, i want to believe on what Monica's own definition of contentment--satisfaction...
makuntento ka sa kung anong nandyan na sayo, maging masaya ka sa mga bagay na yan, di yan ibibigay sayo kung wala lang yan..

everything has its worth.
even a stone can build a house.
a pen can speak the things that you want to say.
a paper can be a witness of history.

people are always important just as the things that i've mentioned.

we don't want others to be suffering out of our own mistakes.

now i really know how to forgive and let my past be it.

past is past..

no one can change it..
but the good thing about our past is that, it can teach us to be better now and in the future....

ang sumpa ng thesis at ang nagtatampong mga prof.

2008-10-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

to start the story, hmm.....
di madaling gumawa ng mga dapat gawin ha?
i therefore conclude that college life is sooooooooooooo hard!!!
you need to pass a lot of requirements that is due the following day.
that's what life is, cramming. hehe..
pag walang cramming walang thrill..
as of now nag-eenjoy pa naman ako...

about sa sumpa ng thesis, ayun awa ng Diyos, di pa rin tapos..
sa lahat ng mga dapat gawin, yung thesis na yun ang pinakamatagal. lahat talaga ng effort na pwede mong ibigay dapat mong ibigay..
ilang beses na ding di maganda ang kinalabasan ng thesis na yun!
edit dito edit dun, kung san san kami lumapit para matapos yun.
may mga tanga moments din naman ang group namin...
di yun maiiwasan lalo na't halos lahat sila ay pamilyado na (haha!)
may mga misunderstandings din kung minsan kasi dapat full force kapag magpapasa para maging equal ang distribution ng trabaho..
i want to say sorry din sa mga attitude moments ko.
by that time kasi i'm so confused na akala ko mag-bbreak down na family ko.(i wish)
ayun....

ang mga tamporurot namang professor sa PLM..
akala kasi nila madaling mag-divide ng oras (di naman sa nag-rereklamo nu pero yung totoo lang.)
di lang naman kasi yun yung mga subjects na may requirements..
marami pa! kaya ayun ang hirap mag-comply sa mga gawain...
alam ko, ako meron ding mga di ginawa pero i know that i did my best on doing the things that i need to do...
its not easy to do things lalo na kung sabay sabay..
halos every week kasi may mga dapat ipasa at gawin...

as i've said hindi ako nag-rereklamo, minsan kasi nag-tatampo na din ako kasi parang di nila kami naggets para bang alien kami....

yun lang..

di pa naman tapos ang kalbaryo eh....
marami pa......

ang mahiwagang papel.

2008-10-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

this paper includes all my friends' comments.
nababasa nyo ba?

hihi!

Ang Bonggang Bonggang nokbuk ni Angel.

2008-10-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

si Angel ang pinaka tahimik na classmate ko.. di sya insensitive katulad ni Hanna although pareho sila ng surname.
oo alam ko walang connect yun, eh wala lang gusto ko lang sabihin.
ito ang nokbuk nyang maganda na gusto kong nenokin kaya lang duh! di pwede.
hehe.. maganda kasi maganda.
ito sya...

There's no place like Eena's house.

2008-10-09T03:48:00.000-07:00

sobrang comfortable sa kanila. after ata ng huling araw ng Community Immersion namin di na ko nakapunta sa kanila (ay! nung sagala pala). i forgot. ulit. ulit. hehe.

ang saya kasi nandun sila lahat syempre di maiiwasan ung mga late, pero sana wag gawing way un para makaalis ka agad. asa pa naman ako na hindi "drawing" ung balak namin, although magplano nga kami ng mga gagawin, un drawing talaga kasi wlang budget! asar nu?

nasusuka pa din ako sa movie na un! grabe naiisip ko na naman sya!!!!! FUCK! (ang arti ko na...)
ayun lang naman.. happy ako dahil un...

OBSESSION

2008-10-09T03:46:00.001-07:00

a seemingly groundless idea that constantly intrudes into a person's thought.

untitled

2008-10-09T03:39:00.000-07:00

You are the Sun
and i am the seed.
You are my only one.
You are my only need.

You nourish me with your light.
You are the kiss that i caught.
You made my downfall right.
But i know you're not just a thought.

You are my patience.
You are my happiness.
You are my obedience
in spite of my bitterness.

my friday...

2008-10-04T04:06:00.000-07:00

my friday was the best friday of all the fridays..
hehe..
2:10 natapos ang aming final project at nag-enjoy naman kami..
sobrang exciting to be at intramuros that day..
i was so happy that i've had the chance of being with my other friends..

3:00am nsa bahay na ako.. grabe..
i was sad and i don't know why..
i forgot how my day started.
i forgot about you just for one day..

but still i will never forget how you treated me..

that's ok..

that's life..

what have i done...

2008-10-02T05:31:00.000-07:00

i hate this feeling....

Untitled I

2008-09-28T05:21:00.000-07:00

why can't i be your sunlight?
your Venus.
your moon.
your star.
your everything.

keep me in the deepest of you.
your entirety corrupts me, day to day; time to time.
your voice that gratifies my well-being.
your hands that reaches my soul.
your eyes that sees within me.

be pensive; be mawkish; be my freedom.
in all my confusion and imprisonment
you are my emancipation.
bare the animosity of me.

you're impossible to find....

just for once...

2008-09-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

Just for once, i want to be the reason why he cuts his hair because i told him so.
The reason why he eats something just because it's my favorite food.
The reason why he buys a shirt just because i have the same color.
The reason why he falls asleep while holding his phone at night.
The reason why he loves something he used to hate because i love it.
and lastly,
I want to be the reason why he smiles, laughs.
i want to be the because of his every why's.

salamat kreagan..

2008-09-22T23:24:00.001-07:00

malungkot ako.

gusto ko lang mag-thank you sa lahat.
sa mga araw na nandyan ka for me.
sa mga tulong tsaka sa words of wisdom.
masaya ako kasi nakilala kita.
nakita ko din kung gano mo kamahal ang pamilya mo. ( i commend you for that. )
nakita ko yung mga sacrifices mo.
sa mga panahon na di ka magsasalita, nag-oopen sakin, ramdam ko yun.
hindi nga siguro ako ang kaylangan mo.
mas maraming beses nga ata akong nasaktan, nagtampo, nagalit, pero iba.

marami akong naishare sayo na di ko nasshare sa iba.
most of the time umiiyak ako kasi pakiramdam ko hindi mo ko kilala..
pasensya ka na kasi sobrang emotional ko.
lahat ng pagkukulang ko, alam kong hindi na kayang masurvive.

all i know is that once in my life, you made me feel special.

you are one of those who understand me.
the look, the smile, i know its worth it.
i have no regrets. (kung meron man yun yung mawala ka.)

thank you for everything.
i have dreams for you.
i told you before, if you're happy being the way you are right now, keep it up.

walk your talk.

i'm happy for you.

lagi lang akong nsa likod mo.
just trying to make ends meet.
I MISS YOU..

God bless you..

*yan yan.. nakakaiyak na......

reunion..

2008-09-22T23:14:00.000-07:00

akala ko masaya kapag reunion, hindi pala.
mahilig talaga akong mag-conclude ng mga pwedeng mangyari.
my favorite, pessimist kasi.
i know do sya healthy pero that's all i can think of when it comes to my family.
ang hirap talaga ng di ka belong.
yun lang ang masasabi ko.
may sarili kaming sasakyan. ayun masaya ang byahe.
MASAYA.

nag-jollibee kami.
tapos dumating sila kuya nie, ate ivy at sage.
MASAYA.

di nga lang kami kumpleto kasi di sumama si kuya cy.
sayang talaga.

makikita mo ang difference kapag pinagmasdan mong mabuti.
nakakapanghinayang lang kasi ibang-iba na ang set-up ng pamilya namin.

may mahirap at mayaman.
isa lang sisiguraduhin ko, hindiko gagawin yung mga ginagawa nila.
kahit anong mangyari gagawin ko yung dapat at tama.
di ko hahayaang maging ganon ang pamilya ko.

minsan lang talaga nagtataka ako kasi masyadong marami
Siyang binibigay na di ko na minsan kaya.
wala naman ako sa posisyon para magtanong.
ganon lang talaga.
marami Siyang kinuha pero alam ko naman Siya lang ang nakakaalam kung anong mangyayari at makakabuti sa akin, sa amin.

salamat po...

(bago magreport maglagay muna ng entry.. hehe)

listen to me..

2008-09-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

it's nonsense to be sad with what is gone.
it's useless to frown and be in despair if one thing or someone needs to leave you behind.
with or without the right explanation, whether it's the truth or just lies.
just think of those who are always there and never left.
appreciate everything and evryone you have.
grab it before it's too late.
they're the ones who's worth your tears.

my friends...

2008-09-22T04:15:00.000-07:00

mga friends kong makukulit..

masaya kasama..

walang dull moments..

isa sila sa mga importanteng tao sa buhay ko..

HAPPY!

after ng masayang defense yan ha..

hehe..

SONNET XVII

2008-09-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were salt rose, or topaz,

Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved.

In secret between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as a plant that never blooms

But carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

Thanks to your love, a certain solid fragrance,

Risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

So i love yu because i know no other way than this:

Where I does not exist, nor you so close that your hand in my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as i fall asleep.

i love this poem..

it's for you Biboy..

kahit di totoo..

what a day...

2008-09-17T04:11:00.000-07:00

my day is always like the same as yesterday. but i'm happy. thankful of eveything that i still have. i just wish that i decide on things the right way. para hindi ko pag-sisihan sa huli. thanks to my friends who are so supportive and funny. walang dull moments sa kanila, promise. they are one of the reasons why i go to school.

hehe.. seryoso yan ha.. kahit minsan may mga misunderstandings ayun, misunderstanding pa din naman sya.

kahit ano mangyari love ko cla..